I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
