So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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