You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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