just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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