Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
