In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
