boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
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My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
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Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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