It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
