I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
