I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
