I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
