I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
