I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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