he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
