Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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