new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
