hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
try to milk me bitch
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
