I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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