sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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