I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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