If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
