Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
