If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
