omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
