Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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