whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Barsexuality is the new black.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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