my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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