i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
