apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
