Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
