sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
