I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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