I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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