whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
