I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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