He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How's work?
Spinning.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
