I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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