He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
and she was petting her beer can
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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