dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
