I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
