Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Blood and glitter go together right?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
