My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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