my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
