I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
