Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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