I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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