nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
