Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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