as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
