You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
