Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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