i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
