My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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