do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
