I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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