She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
