Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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