I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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