i think my tv is drunk
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
