So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
