Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
