Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
