I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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