so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The power of my boobs compel you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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