Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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