My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
