eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
