did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
