so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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