Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
