Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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