it was like his penis was on wheels.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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