You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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