Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
