If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
