her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
