just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
